Not All Misery

It's important to remember that life as an autistic person is not all doom and gloom. 

Thing is it's often easier to write about the negative things than the positive, because we spend so much more time and energy dealing with the negative, because it's something to be fought, not embraced.

But the positives are always there and while it can be difficult to talk about them because they often feel so normal to us that we don't even realise other people don't experience them....I think that's exactly why we should make the effort to talk about them.

I'm best qualified to talk about my own personal positives so that's what I'll focus on but there are plenty of other people out there who can give you an idea of positives that overlap with or are different to mine, so make sure to go look their accounts up too!

What do I enjoy and love about my autism?

I love the fact that I am able to observe things really well and see little details that other people don't. There's a heck of a lot I get to know about the world around me that other people never see. Whether it's finding a heck of a lot of spare change on the floor (because it always catches my eye) or getting lost in the beautiful reflections in a puddle of a tree's leaves silhouetted against a sunset, I get to experience so much that other people never see, and I feel sorry for the people who never see it.
I remember a friend telling me what it felt like taking MDMA: she said it made her see lights and reflections etc as really overwhelmingly beautiful, she said she felt like she could just get lost in them, like it was like being a child again. I remember feeling incredibly sad for her that she needed to take something to get that experience, because that's how I always experience the world around me and I didn't fully realise that other people generally didn't. 

I like that I get pleasure out of little things: I like watching sand timers and liquid timers and always have done, they just don't get boring, how many people get to enjoy something over and over without it getting boring? So many people have to be constantly seeking the next more interesting thing, I find something simple and satisfying to look at and it's very likely to always be enjoyable and satisfying to look at. -another example is that I LOVE polishing brass objects, I can do that for hours and hours, it's just so incredibly satisfying to see that shine coming up from the dullness that was there before. And then when the shine appears you get so many cool reflections and a lovely warm glow and it's just lovely to look at :3

I like the fact that I 'see' my thoughts in my head. I find it fascinating and enjoyable, and sure, translating those images into words is very difficult at times, but experiencing thoughts in that way is really very beautiful and I can't imagine how a mind-world must be without them appearing in that way. 

I like that I have a ready-made community of other autistic and neuro-diverse people out there who often (not always, but more often than not) 'get' me in ways that even close family and friends don't always 'get' me. It feels like being part of a great big clan and meeting someone else with my brain-type feels like meeting a long-lost relative. It's a feeling of connection that means a lot. Even if I don't get on with every autistic person I meet, it's still lovely to have a sense of understanding each other in a way that I don't get with other people, and that I think NT people don't often have with each other.

I like that I am able to see the stupidity in things that other people take for granted and never challenge. It feels like being the one person in the crowd who first pointed at the emperor and laughed that he was naked (I bet you anything if that story was real, that kid was definitely on the spectrum).

I like that I am creative and I feel that having had to practice more ways and styles of communication has really helped my creativity. I know not all autistic people are artistic or consider themselves creative or imaginative, but I am and I know quite a lot of others who are as well, and I strongly believe that having to be more creative in communicating with others has helped me develop my art.

I like that being odd means that I naturally seem to attract other odd people. I fantastic friends and none of them are people who properly 'fit in' with society. But I honestly find them so much more interesting for that and wouldn't have them any other way. These are people who are determined, caring, creative, sensitive, eccentric, obsessive and all round marvellous.

I like the fact that I am in a position where I don't need to have children to see myself exist in the next generation. When I meet younger autistic people I genuinely see myself in them in a way that I imagine parents see themselves in their children. It's like seeing myself in a younger form, like watching my life (slightly altered and updated) happening over again. Only this time I get to help myself by being a mentor, a friend, giving advice, sharing experiences and coping strategies, discussing ideas and hope. It is a unique privilege to be someone who is literally in the process of trying to make life easier and better for those who come after me. I don't plan to have kids myself so this feeling, this feeling of shared identity is amazing and I am so grateful that I get to be a part of laying better foundations for those younger than myself.

What else do I like about my autism?
I like the fact that I feel a close connection to animals: a lot of autistic people seem to feel this connection as well, so on this at least it's not just me.
Interacting with animals feels almost spiritual to me because it's the one time where I can interact with another life-form in a way that feels natural and comfortable to me. It doesn't take effort or concentration, it's just as easy as breathing.  Animals aren't judgemental, they are supremely honest and straight-forward. Communicating with them feels almost like having a super-power. Humans often don't understand non-verbal communication as a MAIN form of communication, but animals do and it's so much easier to just communicate directly with them without words. I can have what feels like whole conversations with animals and they just 'get' it. It's brilliant. 

I like the fact I don't feel a desire to 'be an adult' I feel that I'm just me and I like what I like and respectable adult appearance just doesn't interest me. How much fun do 'normal' adults miss out on as they tell themselves that things are childish or silly? Whereas I tell myself no such thing and just get on with enjoying snail-shaped colour-changing night-lights and space-themed duvet covers. 

I like the fact that my sense of time seems to be different to other people's. I feel like my past is right up close behind me, looking over my shoulder, not spread out for decades behind me like a ribbon. My past is like the foundations of a house I'm still building, it's not somewhere I used to live and don't any longer. I still live here, it just doesn't look like it used to and it's going to keep changing and growing until one day it's complete. 

I like the fact I have a very detailed memory for certain things.I absolutely loved being able to recite the entire script for Star Wars Episode One The Phantom Menace (say what you want about that film, I enjoyed it and loved being able to fall asleep at night reciting the whole thing over to myself in my head, it was ace). Over a decade later and I can still recite quite a lot of it with just a little bit of prompting :3 #autismachievements #geekmodeactivate 

I like the fact that I seem to end up with friends in a variety of age groups and that I feel just as comfortable talking to someone a lot younger than me as I do to someone a lot older. A lot of people seem to end up with friends the same age as them and while there's nothing wrong with that, I really enjoy the fact that my friends are able to give me stories from different times and generations and different social experiences. I find it fascinating and infinitely interesting to have such variety in my life.

I like being able to list a load of positives about me and to not be sure which are 100% down to my autistic brain and which are down to anything else, because I wouldn't be myself without Autism, and I like myself, so I can't NOT like my autism too because it makes me who I am. And I like that. 
It feels like being a whole person and writing positives about autism is just listing positives about myself. And it's a good feeling to be able to write a list of positives about yourself, as that is DEFINITELY something a lot of people really struggle with.