Not about the person opposite

The internet is great. But just as with real life, there are people out there who you're not going to agree with or like and some people who you're definitely going to hate. Arguments and debates happen. Nasty things get said and bigots can and will come out of the wood-work to try and cut you down and make you feel awful.

But something I've realised is that the thing about online debates is this: a lot of the time the people you're 'debating' with are never going to change their minds. And often this gets cited as a reason not to bother arguing with them. 'Don't waste your time' people say. And they're right, you probably won't change their minds because bigotry isn't based on logic, it's based on emotions and you can't logic emotions into making sense, because a lot of the time they just don't. If you haven't got the energy to deal with all the crap that comes from that sort of arena then there's no shame at all in admitting that and walking away. But if you DO have the energy then it's worth remembering this: sometimes the point of having the argument or debate isn't to convince the person opposite you to change their opinions, it's to give the silent spectators something to think about.
Because the fact is that while a certain number of people will get involved in a debate, a substantially higher number will probably be observing silently at a distance. It's those people, the people who aren't yet strongly convinced to one way or another that you are really talking to.

If you come up against an 'Autism Warrior Parent' (aka a parent who is not autistic but co-opts their child's identity while simultaneously trying to make their child less autistic and more 'normal' and often complains loudly about how much of a burden their child is on social media) who is talking about the wonders of MMS (aka how making their kids drink bleach stops them being autistic, seriously, google it, it's real and it's horrific) then remember that you might not be able to make them stop being an abusive ableist bigot but there will be other parents listening in who aren't yet sure and hearing from an autistic person might point them in a different direction. Likewise an autistic person listening in gets to feel a little bit safer in the space from hearing another autistic person calling bullshit.
You don't always know when you've had an impact and arguing with bigots is draining and horrible and feels like banging your head repeatedly against a concrete wall, but it's not about them, it's about the others who haven't made up their minds yet.

It's not about the person opposite, it's about everyone else.